Mr. HM and I had what we call "The State of Our Union" address last night. This is when we discuss our relationship, our goals, our future, etc. It is kind of like when Mr. President interrupts every non-cable channel on television a couple of times a year to address the citizens of America and tell us what his new plans allegedly/supposedly are. Well, we do that in our marriage every so often.
Our main discussion last night was to talk about our goals in our careers and in our finances. You should know that for the most part, Mr. HM and I are in the same career field and we used to work for the same firm. I had all these grand plans about increasing my contributions to my retirement account, saving for our kids 529 College savings accounts, saving 6-9 months of salary in case of a job loss, increasing the amount in our emergency savings account, and taking steps to advance my career. All of that is a bit too ambitous right now considering the amount of student loan debt we both have and the daycare expenses for the twins. However, I feel that my career goals are doable (is that a word?). Mr. HM left the company that we were both working for in January to pursue his own business. That alone cut our income by half making a lot of my (maybe our) financial goals impossible. In order for me to advance in my career, we would have to move (which I really want to do) possibly to another state.
Half way through our "State of the Union" discussion, I realized that we are going in two vey different directions. Then I thought, how can you have a functional marriage when you do not have similar goals? Mr. HM doesn't seem to have the same financial aspirations as I do or the same career goals. Each of these issues may not seem important or connected to you, but trust me, in our relationship they are interconnected and I have left out some details. Does that mean we love each other any less? NO! What it does mean is that we have a serious problem that we need to figure out how to solve immediately. When we got married, we had similar career goals and financial goals. How do we get back to that? Is it necessary for us to get back to that point? I don't know. Stay tuned. I'm sure we'll have a "State of the Union" talk almost every week now.
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5 comments:
Hey H.M.
I am sure you and the Mr. will figure out how to get back on the same path. Remember let love conquer all girl! Thanks for the encouraging words by the way. As always. I found out I don't have to move this week! Which is a total blessing,but I am working on getting things ready so it can be a seamless move.
Have a great day lady
MI$$.
Hey High Maintenance, Mr H will never get rich working for someone else, why don't you support his decision to start his own business?
I have to take this from a Christian standpoint, which is to say that the husband should be the head of the household, the breadwinner, and with that come both taking responsibility when things go awry and taking credit when things sail along smoothly.
Most of us are saddened by the fall of the Black family. I know that it is not your intention to bring that about, but, by not following what has worked for umpteen decades, the very same may come to be. You are not wrong in wanting a career that soars and financial dreams that probably go way back. However, in my humble opinion, those are lofty goals for a single woman who has no need to bend to make things go smoothly. A lot of folks say that when it comes to goals, men tend to (for lack of a better word) belittle the goals of a woman. I cannot agree more,but, that is the very nature of a Christian family: a wife is submissive to her husband as he is submissive to the Lord.
I say support him in his endeavors and hope that he is the man that you always thought he was and will always do right by you . . . even if that subsequent "right" is not exactly what you had in mind. I trust that you will work it out, as we have been so historically capable of doing. Peace.
I thank you all for your comments.
@ miss money---I found another blog you might be interested in. Check out www.youngblackandprosperous.blogspot.com
@jeff frese and freedom -- I truly appreciate your comments. You both have given me something to think about and reevaluate. I was a single parent for over 6 years, so I realize I have got to get out of that mind set. Blessings to you.
H.M
Don't worry, it will all work out, in God's time!!! I promise you that!! Continue to make goals for yourself. Start small. Are you saving for retirement?
think prosperous thoughts!! I put you on my blogroll so I will be reading you more often.
YBP
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